A series of Cats badfics
by mrmistoffelees
Summary: A series of MistoffeleesQuaxo oneshots that serve as an example of how NOT to write CATS fiction.
1. Randomness

Disclaimer: I own nothing from the _CATS_ universe. They belong to Andrew Lloyd Webber and T.S. Eliot. These are going to be a series of one-shots. If the need arises, I will continue the story into two chapters. If you have any ideas to submit, I would love them.

Board, yet happy, Magician

Something was going on with Quaxo. Something that didn't happen very often with the young magician. He was board. He'd already finished his preparations for the Ball, which was coming up in two day's time. He had double-and triple-checked them. Everything was ready. Macavity had been very quiet, probably still fuming about how Quaxo, as Mistoffelees, bringing Old Deuteronomy back after being captured.

After a while, an idea began to form in his mind. Munkustrap usually never relaxed, right? All he had to do was get Munkustrap to relax without the grey tabby knowing it was he. He would need is the help of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, the twin calico cats, to help pull it off without anyone in the Tribe being the wiser. They were renowned in the Tribe for getting into more mischief than all of the kittens plus Quaxo when his powers were out of control combined.

Later that evening, he snuck up behind Mungojerrie and his sister. "May I talk to the two of you?" He asked, causing both calicos to jump about a mile in the air.

" 'ello, Quaxo. Certainley you may" was Mungo's reply.

"Not here though. Follow me." With that, Quaxo walked off to the tunnel. Following him, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer wondered what the young magician wanted to talk to them about.

" 'e're not in trouble, are we?" Mungo asked, once they were inside the tunnel that was Quaxo's home.

"No. Have the two of you noticed that Munkustrap almost never relaxes? Even when there's no trouble and he has nothing or no-one to worry about?"

The twins looked at each other. "Yea, we've noticed. Why?" Teazer asked, even though she had an idea. "You have an idea on how to make him relax?"

"Yes, but I need the two of you to help. Otherwise, he'll know it's me."

They continued like this for the better part of the afternoon, re-working the plan until it was perfect. There was one problem. Munkustrap was talking to Old Deuteronomy about something or other.

"What should we do, Quaxo? 'E's talkin' to Old Deuteronomy."

"Continue with the plan. Don't worry. I'll distract Old Deuteronomy."

"Wi' what?"

"Magic."

"Forgot ya had that."

Quaxo raised an eyebrow. "It's that easy to forget?"

"Whe' you're no' Misto, i' is. You sure i' 's a good idea?"

"Good point. I'll ask him for advice."

Rolling his eyes, Quaxo shyly walked up to Old Deuteronomy. "Sir? May I ask you something?"

"I'm thinking of asking Victoria to be my mate. The problem is, I don't know how to ask her."

"Don't worry, Quaxo," the wise Jellicle leader said, putting his hands on Quaxo's shoulders, which was Mungo and Teazer's queue to go with part A of their plan. "Just be you. She'll say yes."

"How do you know?" Quaxo asked, looking down at his feet. "Every time I try and ask her, I can't say anything."

Just as Old Deuteronomy was about to reply, there was a sound of one of the Jellicles purring. Loudly. Looking around, both Quaxo and Old Deuteronomy saw it was Munkustrap, lying down with a look of contention on his face. One look that Old Deuteronomy hadn't seen since the gray tabby had been a kitten. Turning around, he saw that Quaxo had gone off. _He must have gone off to think about my advice. I hope all goes well with him,_ he thought.

Back at what Mungo and Teazer had jokingly called "Magic HQ", both were grinning at a successful mission. They quickly noticed how quiet Quaxo was.

"Thinkin' about what Old D told ya?"

Quaxo looked up. "Yea. When am I going to ask her?" He thought aloud.

The twins looked at each other. "We 'ave an idea for you, Quaxo. See, we've wanted to prank Munks for ages. Thanks to you, we 'ave. In return, we'll help ya ask Victoria." Mungo grinned again.

"I wouldn't be surprised if…" Teazer began to say, but was cut off when Victoria poked her head in.

"Quaxo? May I talk to you?" She asked, before noticing Mungo and Teazer. "If you're not busy, that is." She blushed.

"Go on, mate."

"We'll be here when you get back." With that, Quaxo joined Victoria outside the tunnel.

"Victoria."

"Quaxo"

"Will you be my mate?" both asked at the same time, blushing.

"Yes" was the reply.

Looking back at the tunnel, both felines noticed the calicos grinned like the Cheshire Cat before scampering off. They knew that Quaxo and Victoria would want to be alone for a while.


	2. Wax

Melissa Mitri

March 28, 2006

English

Slips and Slides

I glanced up, taking note of the sun's shine on the floor. The two resident troublemakers were busily waxing away as punishment. Jenny, the nurse, had caught Jerrie and Tea painting the room that was the hospital wing pink. I chuckled, remembering going in for a sprain and coming out with a headache. I made a face at the memory of the herbal tea I had to drink because of an allergy to pain medication.

"Hey, Sparks!" They were finished. I didn't miss the look they shared as I walked over.

"Why the long faces?" I'd done this before. Raising my hand to block the glare, I realized that Jerrie and Tea had waxed a few other…objects besides the floor. Noticing that they were trying to sneak away, I pointed over my shoulder.

They gave identical grins before racing to the door.


End file.
